Getting along with my mother is very difficult. I respect her because she has provided both food, shelter, and guidance for me. She has the best of intentions, but her advice is more like demands. In addition, my unresolved feelings of childhood neglect makes it very difficult for me to communicate with her. Recently, I had to make an important decision of whether or not I should move out.
Reflecting upon my thought process, I noticed many important things. My first intuition was escape. If I moved out, then the problems will not re-occur. This reminds me of AOD. People escape problems by drinking and doing drugs. Fortunately, I am not an impulsive person. I am very patient and weigh the ups and downs. Perhaps the smartest thing I do in making difficult decisions is consult my close friends. By talking about my problems and seeking resolution, it calms me and gives me a new perspective. I am quite open about my personal history; however, others might not be very receptive to sharing personal information. Our clients’ culture and personality always differ.
For Chinese culture, we normally avoid sharing our troubles outside the family. It is seen as shame and disgrace. With this knowledge, we could encourage communication among family members. Therapy and counseling could work with Americanized Chinese families.
It is great you realize and respect your mother for providing food, shelter and guidance. One day you will most likely return that favor. I loved my mother so much but I can’t imagine living with her more than a few months. When I was a single parent I moved one block away from her. I wanted her close but we needed our space and it was affordable in my little town, many areas it would be too expensive for me to have made that choice.
ReplyDeleteI have friends I talk to also. I have several different friends so I can take the same problem to each of them to get different ideas. I ultimately have to make my own choices but I appreciate my friends input and the discussion is a way of harmless venting.
Your insight on Chinese culture will be very valuable. As well as Chinese do not normally share their personal family issues outside the home I think the older generations of Americans were that way also. In my Grandparents day you would not ask a person how much they earn or what they have or don’t have in savings, that was a family business and nobody else’s.